Quotes About Perspective

The trouble with some of us is that we have been inoculated with small doses of Christianity which keep us from catching the real thing.

You must believe in God in spite of what the clergy say.

If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe.

If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between sh.. and syphilis in the dictionary.

I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave.

Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.

Inflation hasn't ruined everything. A dime can still be used as a screwdriver.

Ive come to the conclusion that Mondays last 50% longer than the other days...each.

Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England.

Everyone is entitled to their own incorrect opinion.

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Attitudes are contagious. Do you want people around you to catch yours?

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.

Analysing humour is like dissecting a frog few people are interested, and the frog dies.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

I love running cross country....On a track, I feel like a hamster.

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, "What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!"

Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now, I have six children and no theories.

I don't know why they say "you have a baby." The baby has you.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it annoys the pig.

A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours.

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.