Quotes About Perspective

Dont complain about the snow on your neighbors roof when your own doorstep is unclean.

Youth is like a long weekend on Friday night. Middle age is like a long weekend on Monday afternoon.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Mathematics consists in proving the most obvious thing in the least obvious way.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

Ou don't realize how easy this game is until you get up in that broadcasting booth.

There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.

That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.

If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change.

Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.

The trick is to stop thinking of it as 'your' money.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

I learned a long time ago that minor surgery is when they do the operation on someone else, not you.

If all the atoms in the universe were transformed into breasts, there would still not be enough breasts.

Families with babies, and families without babies are sorry for each other.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.

I went out with a guy who once told me I didnt need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I'm drinking so that youre more fun to be around.