Quotes About Validation

I worried so much about how I looked and whether I was doing things right, I felt half the time I was impersonating a girl instead of really being one.

And second, once we are caught in the pattern of creating ourselves from cultural blueprints, it becomes a primary way of receiving validation. We become unknowingly bound up in a need to please the cultural father--the man holding the brush--and live up to his images of what a woman should be and do. We're rewarded when we do; life gets difficult when we don't.

I think every pain in this world wants to be witnessed

When women bond together in a community in such a way that "sisterhood" is created, it gives them an accepting and intimate forum to tell their stories and have them heard and validated by others. The community not only helps to heal their circumstance, but encourages them to grow into their larger destiny.

it's something everybody wants—for someone to see the hurt done to them and set it down like it matters.

When we adopt this particular ego mask, we invest ourselves in the notion that those who shine the brightest are loved the most. This comes from the distorted idea that meaning and acceptance come from what we do, not who we are. We buy into the widespread notion that "light" emanates from our achievements, not from the divine fire within our soul.

Still, I couldn't let the matter go entirely—T. Ray thinking I was so desperate I would invent an invasion of bees to get attention. Which is how I got the bright idea of catching a jar of these bees, presenting them to T. Ray, and saying, "Now who's making things up?

I'll put it in a story." I don't know if that's what he wanted to ask me, but it's something everybody wants—for someone to see the hurt done to them and set it down like it matters.

After a while, I went down to the cellar. When mauma saw my raw eyes, she said, "Ain't nobody can write down in a book what you worth.

every pain in this world wants to be witnessed

In these last minutes, what did he most want to hear—that he'd been seen and heard in this world? That he'd accomplished what he'd set out to do? That he'd loved and been loved?

In these last minutes, what did he most want to hear-that he'd been seen and heard in this world? That he'd accomplished what he'd set out to do? That he'd loved and been loved?

You are learning to trust your own perception of reality. You will discover that even when your parents don't agree with you or don't approve of what you're doing, you will be able to tolerate the anxiety because you don't need their validation anymore. You are becoming self-defined.

When you are reactive, you are dependent on the approval of others. You feel good about yourself only when no one disagrees with you, criticizes you, or disapproves of you. Your feelings are often far out of proportion to the events that evoked them. You'll perceive a small suggestion as a personal attack; a minor constructive criticism as a personal failure. Without the approval of others, you have a hard time maintaining even minimal emotional stability.

The great common denominator among women with unloving mothers is the longing for validation—to find someone who will say, "Yes, what you experienced really happened. Yes, your feelings are justified. I understand.

A little girl wo was criticized or ignored or abused or stifled by an unloving mother becomes an adult who tells herself she'll never be good enough or lovable enough, never smart or pretty or acceptable enough to deserve success and happiness. Because if you really were worthy of respect and affection, a voice whispers inside, your mother would've given them to you.

When a child is not permitted to express her pain, one of the important, destructive messages she gets is that if she is feeling bad it is due to her own deficiencies. Coupled with this is likely the message that if she needs comfort, then she is ugly and repulsive to others.

these labels are not the truth. They are someone else's opinions

The misogynist expects his partner to know what he is thinking and feeling without ever having to state it. He expects that she will somehow anticipate his every need and that meeting his needs will take priority over everything else in her life. One of the proofs of her love is her ability to read his mind.

There is an insatiable, demanding quality to the misogynist's love; no matter how much you give, or give up, it is never enough. He is never convinced that you care about him as much as he cares about you. He will constantly invent new tests of your devotion. It's very much like having a final exam every week for a course you can never pass.

This letter begins the process of "reparenting" yourself. Reparenting means to dig deep within yourself to find a loving, validating parent for the hurting child you still carry inside. This is the parent who, through this letter, comforts, reassures, and protects that part of you that is still vulnerable and frightened.

When you apologize to your children, you are teaching them to trust their feelings and perceptions. You are saying, "The things I did that you thought were unfair were unfair. You were right to feel that way.

In an enmeshed family you pay for intermittent feelings of approval and safety with your selfhood.

If, on the other hand, your experiences have been those of being harshly criticized, ridiculed, ignored, abused, or made to feel inadequate, then you're likely to experience low self-esteem.