Quotes About Perception

Men are all the same, they think that because they came out of the belly of a woman they know all there is to know about women.

The world is drowning in weirdness and lies......and here we are, so used to it that we're actually bored!

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire.

What year did Jesus think it was?

I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.'

While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I know you?"

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.

She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

You're only as old as you feel.

Does anyone actually think that Beckham knows he's in America? I think he just follows a football and all he notices is that it occasionally gets warmer.

You never realize a dog is a man's best friend until you start betting on horses.

There are many non-intellectual countries; Australia is one of the few anti-intellectual ones.

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Even snakes are afraid of snakes.

Nothing is more curious than the almost savage hostility that Humour excites in those who lack it.

Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."

Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?

When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

I'm the munter of my friends. I've got wonky teeth and a lazy eye. My friend Rob is disgusted I'm a heart-throb.