Quotes About Perception

Wit and humor do not reside in slow minds.

My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol

Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.

When you go to a bar that has a black light, everybody looks cool. Except for me, because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.

Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had to do fifty questions in a minute, if you got one wrong, they killed your dad!

Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.

Good humor, like the jaundice, makes every one of its own complexion.

When I appear in public, people expect me to neigh, grind my teeth, paw the ground and swish my tail - none of which is easy.

I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

I would imagine the inside of a bottle of cleaning fluid is really clean. I would imagine a vodka bottle is really drunk.

Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.

Feelings are like chemicals, the more you analyze them the worse they smell.

The subconscious mind has no sense of humor and people often joke themselves into unhappy experiences.

Sometimes I... No, I don't.