Quotes About Perception

Anybody who says they are a good liar obviously is not, because any legitimately savvy liar would always insist they're honest about everything.

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

I think it's interesting that cologne rhymes with alone.

People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.

My makeup wasn't smeared, I wasn't disheveled, I behaved politely, and I never finished off a bottle, so how could I be alcoholic?

Most men don't seem to get that telling a pissed-off woman to calm down is like throwing gunpowder on a fire." ~ Liberty Jones

The true New Yorker secretly believes that people living anywhere else have to be, in some sense, kidding.

Why do people always expect authors to answer questions? I am an author because I want to ask questions. If I had answers, I'd be a politician.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

I'm not completely sure we aren't all living in a hallucination now.

I'm not a traditional politician, and I have a sense of humor. I'll try to soften it and become boring, maybe even very boring, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to.

Humor is basically a cognitive process. And it's a creative process not only on the part of the cartoonist but on the part of the viewer.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.

A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.

I got ham but I'm not a Hamster

Other than the voices in my head, I think I'm pretty normal.

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.

Have you ever had one of those moments when you look up and realize that you're one of those people you see on the train talking to themselves?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.

If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.

I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"