Quotes About Perception

Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?

Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.

If you think this Universe is bad, you should see some of the others.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.

Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it.

Why are they called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

A woman gets stretch marks from one of two things. Either she was big and got small or she was small and got big.

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.

Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.

I'm sure I'll feel much more grateful when I find a guy who thinks complex wiring in a girl is a turn-on.

My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!"

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure.

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I'm not even white. I'm off-white. It's a new race; we will prevail!

If you wish to avoid seeing a fool, you must first break your mirror

The polls indicated that I was feisty, that I was tough, that I had a sense of humor, but they weren't quite sure if they liked me and they didn't know whether or not that I was sensitive.