Quotes About Perception

Peter, you're twelve years old. I'm ten. They have a word for people our age. They call us children and they treat us like mice.

Men don't realize that if we're sleeping with them on the first date, we're probably not interested in seeing them again either.

There must be something wrong with those people who think Audrey Hepburn doesn't perspire, hiccup or sneeze, because they know that's not true. I n fact, I hiccup more than most.

I should never make anything of a fisherman. I had not got sufficient imagination

It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.

I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen. But he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.

I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the world. There were seven O-Levels in that room, and they were all mine.

High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know.

Short people have long faces, and long people have short faces. Big people have little humor, and little people have no humor at all.

The average person suffers from three delusions: 1) That he is a good driver 2) That he has a good sense of humor and 3) That he is a good listener.

everybody fancies they have that rare thing, a sense of humour.

I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?

The way I figure it, if you can't tell I'm high by looking at me, I win.

I've never used my weight to get a laugh. That is, used my size as the subject for humor. You never saw me stuck in a door-way or stuck in a chair.

What is amusing now had to be taken in desperate earnest once.

At bank, post office or supermarket, there is one universal law which you ignore at your own peril: the shortest line moves the slowest.

Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.

I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.

Nothing is like it seems, but everything is exactly like it is.

If you want a lot of visual humor, the way to do it is have visual people do it.

I never gossip. I observe. And then relay my observations to practically everyone.

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.

Well if manners maketh man make-up maketh woman.And we don't need a phalanx of behavioural scientists to explain why man judge women by their looks.Because the see bether than thay think.

This I know for a fact: the reason African women have children is so that there's someone else to do the housework.