Quotes About Perception

Perhaps the difference between a professor and a bus driver is that the professor can say stupid things with complete authority while the bus driver is not authorized to make brilliant insights.

Why does everyone have to pretend to be stupid and not know long words?

The humorist has a good eye for the humbug; he does not always recognize the saint.

Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.

Humor does depend on surprise, and the things that people remember as the funniest things in the world, you look at later and you go, "What? What was that all about?"

I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: "Have you a good memory for faces?" I asked why and she said: "Because there isn't a mirror up there."

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

That woman in the shampoo commercial - she's happy. She's... she's too happy.

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

You know, in the suburbs, most people believe in gravity, but they don't have much of a sense of humor.

Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

My father said, "Okay, enough with the Jewish school." He put me into a public school and he said, "If you are the first one in your class, that means the school is bad." That was his humor.

I frequently observe that one pretty face would be followed by five and thirty frights.

I hate girls that giggle all the time... You hate any girl that David looks at.

Why was the judgement of the disapproving so valuable? Who said that their good opinions tended to be any more rational than those of generally pleasant people?

The ones who constantly make us laugh are the hardest of friends to know - for comedians are the caricatures among us.

I don't know if my sense of humor goes over Americans' heads.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is a pity because this week the National Association of Beholders wrote to tell me that I've got a face like a rucksack full of dented bells.

Men are not nearly as evolved as women are, nor as intelligent, evidently

As a boy, I used to marvel that the letters in a closed book did not get scrambled and lost overnight.

As for hearing, the sloth is not so much deaf as uninterested in sound.

It's easier to sit there and say you don't like feminists because they don't have a sense of humor.

She had been a teenager once, and she knew that, despite the apparent contradictions, a person's teenage years lasted well into their fifties.