Quotes About Sarcasm

I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while," he grunted, "It relaxes me." "It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably.

I figured all your classes were stuff like Slaughter 101 and Beheading for Beginners." Jace flipped a page. "Very funny, Fray.

Clary felt suddenly annoyed. "When the self-congratulatory part of the evening is over, maybe we could get back to saving my best friend from being exsanguinated to death?" "Exsanguinated," said Jace, impressed. "That's a big word." "And you're a big-" "Tsk tsk," he interupted. "No swearing in church.

I forgot that's what gets you all hot and bothered, Jace, girls killing things." "I like anyone killing things, especially me." he said with a smile.

Drowning yourself won't help, she told herself sternly. Now, drowning Will, on the other hand...

Jace perched on the windowsill and looked down at him. "You really don't get this bodyguard thing, do you?" "I didn't even think you liked me all that much," said Simon. "Is this one of those keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer things?" "I thought it was keep your friends close so you have someone to drive the car when you sneak over to your enemy's house a night and throw up in his mailbox." "I'm pretty sure that's not it

I imagine sarcasm to be a backward slanting font, each word leaning away from rather than into the next. These days it is getting harder and harder to tell reality from distortion, truth from satire, especially on the Internet.

Will you marry me, vile and abominable girl that you are? Yes, but, mind, it only to save my neck from being wrung!

Cheap? If he was at the Last Supper, he would have asked for separate checks!

When I told her we were going to roast her, she said, "Of course, . . . they only crucify the innocent."

With faint praises one another damn.

I've had a wonderful evening — but this wasn't it.

When a ham actor told George Jessel "I'm a sensation at the Roxy. Last night I had the audience glued to their seats," Jessel snapped, "Wonderful! How clever of you to think of it."

If being a f*ckhead was a crime, I'd have to lock up half of New York. And occasionally arrest myself.

Creepy. If I ever did that, popped a kid out—which I think is probably as pleasant a process as having your eyeballs pierced by burning, poisonous sticks, I'd say, 'Whoopee, let's do this again?' Have you recently suffered head trauma?" "Not to my knowledge." "Could be coming. Any second.

I know I say people suck, but I didn't mean it literally.

Man Rhage muttered, someone hit this place with the Hallmark stick. Until it broke.

I suppose this is for the best, Blay said into his shoulder. You can't cook. See? I'm so not Prince Charming.

Ah, now, don't get all mushy on me. We ain't dating. Butch

He palmed up the life Alert. Death Alert was more like it: Help, I haven't fallen and I'm standing up-can you come and rectify this problem? - Isaac

Well, aren't you Mother fucking Teresa

Am I going to have to die first before I come here every time? Because no offense, but for fuck's sake, I can just give you a cell phone to call.

How about I duct-tape his ass cheeks together? Short-sheet his bed? Ex-Lax his chocolate pudding…? I have other ideas, you know…

You got hair like a girl," Mr. D said. "And you smell like bubble bath. At least I can get a trim." "I'm wearing Old Spice." "Next time try something stronger. Like horse manure." Mr.