Quotes from Kerry Patterson

di·a·logue or di·a·log (dì´ Ã¢Ë†â€š-lôg´´, -lòg) n The free flow of meaning between two or more people.

By tentatively sharing a story rather than attacking, name-calling, and threatening, the worried spouse averted a huge battle, and the couple's relationship was strengthened at a time when it could easily have been damaged.

When we first trained people to deal with ability problems, it all seemed so simple. You ask others for their ideas, you get to hear their best thoughts, and they feel empowered. What could be easier? Who could possibly mess this up? As it turns out, there are several ways to go wrong. Here are the top three things not to do.

Start with a situation where you observe someone becoming emotional and you're still under control—such as a meeting (when you're not personally under attack and are less likely to get hooked). Do your best to get at the person's source of fear or anger.

It's our dogmatic conviction that "if we could just fix those losers, all would go better" that keeps us from taking action that could lead to dialogue and progress. Which is why it's no surprise that those who are best at dialogue tend to turn this logic around. They believe the best way to work on "us" is to start with "me.

Even if we do our best to safely and effectively respond to the other person's verbal attack, we still have to face up to the fact that it's going to take a little while for him or her to settle down.

we do know one thing for certain: Skilled people Start with Heart. That is, they begin high-risk discussions with the right motives, and they stay focused no matter what happens.

Crucial Conversation kr shel kän´ vr sa´ shen) n A discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong.

We can avoid them. • We can face them and handle them poorly. • We can face them and handle them well.

If you can be respectful and private but firm in this conversation, most problem behavior will stop. And remember, if the behavior is over the line, you shouldn't hesitate to contact HR to ensure your rights and dignity are protected.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. —GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

For instance, Ericsson has described how dedicated figure skaters practice differently on the ice: Olympic hopefuls work on skills they have yet to master. Club skaters, in contrast, work on skills they've already mastered. Amateurs tend to spend half of their time at the rink chatting with friends and not practicing at all. Put simply, skaters who spend the same number of hours on the ice achieve very different results because they practice in very different ways.

Many of the profound and persistent problems we face stem more from a lack of skill (which in turn stems from a lack of deliberate practice) than from a genetic curse, a lack of courage, or a character flaw. Self-discipline, long viewed as a character trait, and elite performance, similarly linked to genetic gifts, stem from the ability to engage in guided practice of clearly defined skills.

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind. —WILLIAM JAMES What

We're so uncomfortable with the immediate conflict that we accept the certainty of bad results to avoid the possibility of uncomfortable conversation

Every time we decide to use our power to influence others, particularly if we`re gleeful and hasty, we damage the relationship. We move from enjoying a healthy partnership based on trust and mutual respect to establishing a police state that requires constant monitoring.

Lord, help me forgive those who sin differently than I." When we recognize that we all have weaknesses, it's easier to find a way to respect others.

who routinely hit 70 percent or more of their free throws tend to practice differently from those who hit 55 percent or fewer. How? Better shooters set technique-oriented goals such as, "Keep the elbow in," or, "Follow through." Players who shoot 55 percent and under tend to think more about results-oriented goals such as, "This time I'm going to make 10 in a row.

As we introduce complex and abstract questions to our mind, the problem-solving part of our brain recognizes that we are now dealing with intricate social issues and not physical threats. When we present our brain with a demanding question, our body sends precious blood to the parts of our brain that help us think and away from the parts of our body that help us take flight or begin a fight.

If you persist over time, refusing to take offense, making your motive genuine, showing respect, and constantly searching for Mutual Purpose, then the other person will almost always join you in dialogue.

Maybe we honor the abusive style of so many coaches and other public figures because their public actions lend credibility to our own private outbursts.

mistake most of us make in our crucial conversations is we believe that we have to choose between telling the truth and keeping a friend. We begin believing in the Fool's Choice from an early age.

Skilled people Start with Heart. That is, they begin high-risk discussions with the right motives, and they stay focused no matter what happens.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. —GEORGE BERNARD SHAW What