Quotes from Bruce D. Perry

Relationships are the agents of change and the most powerful therapy is human love.

Relationships matter: the currency for systemic change was trust, and trust comes through forming healthy working relationships. People, not programs, change people.

The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation.

For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support, that "unless you love yourself, no one else will love you."…The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation

The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation.

The more healthy relationships a child has, the more likely he will be to recover from trauma and thrive. Relationships are the agents of change and the most powerful therapy is human love.

What I've learned from talking to so many victims of traumatic events, abuse, or neglect is that after absorbing these painful experiences, the child begins to ache. A deep longing to feel needed, validated, and valued begins to take hold. As these children grow, they lack the ability to set a standard for what they deserve. And if that lack is not addressed, what often follows is a complicated, frustrating pattern of self-sabotage, violence, promiscuity, or addiction.

Fire can warm or consume, water can quench or drown, wind can caress or cut. And so it is with human relationships: we can both create and destroy, nurture and terrorize, traumatize and heal each other.

We elicit from the world what we project into the world; but what you project is based upon what happened to you as a child.

Because what I know for sure is that everything that has happened to you was also happening for you. And all that time, in all of those moments, you were building strength. Strength times strength times strength equals power. What happened to you can be your power. — Oprah

Relationships matter: the currency for systemic change was trust, and trust comes through forming healthy working relationships. People, not programs, change people.

Our major finding is that your history of relational health—your connectedness to family, community, and culture—is more predictive of your mental health than your history of adversity (see Figure 8). This is similar to the findings of other researchers looking at the power of positive relationships on health. Connectedness has the power to counterbalance adversity.

To develop a self one must exercise choice and learn from the consequences of those choices; if the only thing you are taught is to comply, you have little way of knowing what you like and want.

you can't give what you don't get. If no one ever spoke to you, you can't speak; if you have never been loved, you can't be loving.

They prefer the certainty of misery to the misery of uncertainty

Surprisingly, it is often when wandering through the emotional carnage left by the worst of humankind that we find the best of humanity as well.

the most powerful form of reward is relational. Positive interactions with people are rewarding and regulating. Without connection to people who care for you, spend time with you, and support you, it is almost impossible to step away from any form of unhealthy reward and regulation.

Biology isn't just genes playing out some unalterable script. It is sensitive to the world around it

Negative emotions often make things even more memorable than positive ones because recalling things that are threatening—and avoiding those situations in the future if possible—is often critical to survival.

We make memories, but memories make us, too…

Dr. Perry: That's a wonderful example of the glue of love. It is in the small moments, when we feel the other person fully present, fully engaged, connected, and accepting, that we make the most powerful, enduring bonds.

We ignore the emotional needs of young children at our peril.

the speed with which we're inventing our world is outpacing our avility to understand the impact of our inventions.

stress is not something to be afraid of or avoided. It is the controllability, pattern, and intensity of stress that can cause problems.