Quotes from Bruce D. Perry

When you've been groomed to be compliant, confrontation in any form is uncomfortable because you were never taught that you have the right to say no; in fact, you were taught that you can't say no. The sense that you are deserving enough to set your own boundaries has been stolen from you. Many people react by burying their feelings of "no" and becoming people pleasers.

A child raised with love wants to make those around him happy because he sees that his happiness makes them happy.

I fall in that category. For years, I would say yes to things I knew I really did not want to do, or avoid difficult conversations because I could not live with the discomfort of speaking up for myself. I've known other victims of trauma who sabotage situations until someone else says no for them—meaning their relationship ends, a friendship becomes toxic, or they lose a job. This is what I hear you saying when you talk about people who poison intimacy.

one of the best ways to help someone else become calm and centered is to calm and center ourselves first- and then just pay attention.

anything new will activate our stress-response systems. Our default response to novelty is "Uh-oh. What is this?" And until the new thing is proven safe and positive, it will be categorized as a potential threat.

Qué puede llevar a los padres aprivarse de sueño, sexo, amigos, tiempo propio y básicamente cualquier otroplacer de la vida para satisfacer las demandas de un pequeño ser necesitado,incontinente y con frecuencia exasperantemente escandaloso?

Our brains develop as a reflection of the world we grow up with. You love others the way you've been loved.

Our stress response has evolved to be relationally sensitive, such that when we're with people who have attributes similar to our childhood "clan," we feel safe. But when we encounter people with attributes that are different from "our people," the brain's default is to activate the stress response.