Quotes from Caroline Kepnes

Let it be known that I only punched him once and not in the face.

You can't have a conversation with an autograph and you can't go out to lunch with a group selfie

My shrink would say that I'm not respecting boundaries

He hugged me. It was comforting to feel his hands on my back.

You don't know how to be alone with yourself. And if you block out the world, there you'd be.

Stress is like high blood pressure; a silent killer that rusts you from the inside out until you're nothing more than a husk of whatever it is you were before stress devoured you.

Dope guac," says some asshole, and I pick up a Dorito and shove it into the guac. There is nothing remarkable about this guac , about any guac , and California needs to calm the fuck down. They're just avocados. Guac is guac and while sometimes it's slimy and disgusting, it's never delicious .

I hate that you'll wake up tomorrow and realize that RIP Melanda was right all along, that men always let you down, that they bail on you because men do fucking suck. But so does Love, Mary Kay. So does love.

See, the record store was the great equalizer. It gave the nerds power—'You're really buying Taylor Swift?'—even though all those nerds went home and jerked it to Taylor Swift.

Right," you say, "everyone says that love makes the world go around, but it also makes the world a cruel, exclusive place. Like a book club that tells you there's no more room at the table.

So you did think of it as my 'job' to carry your offspring into this world. The second you knew about your seed planted inside of me, I stopped being a person to you.

When you want to make someone better, when you love someone, you do everything. Anything. Even if it's crazy.

The point is, buying stuff is one of the only honest things we do. That guy didn't come in here for Dan Brown or Salinger. That guy came in here to confess." "Are you a priest?" "No. I'm a church." "Amen.

You want to go places you can't go.

I told you one pizza wasn't enough for three people, that's TV bullshit when they do that

Everyone in this building is sleeping; Angelenos need beauty sleep. They need energy to make storyboards for web series and hike and talk about movies they'll never make and walk their dogs that hate them.

We're not defective. We're survivors. That's a good thing.

I care and I want to know more and I want to cry and I don't want you to fall for anyone but me.

I hope that most people at this point in time realize that Prince is one of the great poets of our time. I didn't say songwriter—I said poet. Prince is the closest thing we have to e. e. cummings and people are so stupid because they don't come in here and buy books of Prince poems.

This is why people like writing. You visit old friends without having to go on Facebook and see what they're up to and deal with what idiots call FOMO. You make them into what you want them to be, the people they could be if only they were braver, smarter.

To love is to risk everything.

It's amazing how good fifty and sunny feels after you've been bleeding in twelve with a wind chill of go fuck yourself.

You have that function on that fucking phone that enables you to know when your texts are opened and ignored, and Benji he ignores the fuck out of you, he is more passionate about blowing you off than being inside of you.

So it's on. A plan is made. I'm relaxed just knowing that he's going to be dead soon.