Quotes from Tucker Max

I wish I could bottle the seductive look she gave me so I could sniff it when I jack off.

The poet John Ciardi pointed out, "Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at women and persuade themselves they have a better idea.

credit, youre jewish, your best friend is black, and your girlfriend is a cheating whore. Even if I wore gay, I'd still have it better than you.

I prefer to keep fooling myself, at least for a little while longer.

she was quite promiscuous, to the point where dating her was similar to the experience of sitting on a warm toilet seat:

5:15 I have never put makeup on. It's hard. You assholes are crowding my mirror space. Gimme some room, I keep smearing my blush. Everyone's glares at me. I feel like a gay homosexual.

Of course, I'm not a doctor; I just watch a lot of ER and House.

it's like a mini Bourbon Street with less culture and more disgusting hookers.

One of life's great secrets: women don't look for handsome men, they look for men with beautiful women.

Did you hear the nonsensical prattle spewing from her pie-hole?

Earl The Goat Manigault was probably the greatest basketball player of all time, but Michael Jordan is universally regarded as the best ever. This is because The Goat only did it at Rucker Park, while Michael did it where it mattered: in front of the world.

I bought a liter of Everclear, a quart of Gatorade, and a can of Red Bull, and poured all of it into my CamelBak. I come prepared. We arrive at the lacrosse house, and I begin sucking back the Everclear/Gatorade/Red Bull mixture, which I will hereafter refer to as "Tucker Death Mix." It tasted like ghetto romance. It was awesome.

You can make a lot of money from a book, but that is done by using a book as a marketing tool.

Tucker "I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am. Please speak up.

To put it simply, we think books are too important to leave to writers, and we want the wisest, most experienced, most knowledgeable people on earth to be able to effectively and easily share their wisdom with the world.

SlingBlade: "If you EVER speak ill of the McGriddle again I will personally force-feed you one while I fuck you in the butt using the wrapper as a condom and then donkey punch you when the infused syrup nuggets explode in your mouth.

It is not easy to properly position and structure a book, not to mention to do the actual writing.

This is not a small thing. You may not realize this, but the majority of the tacit knowledge that builds civilizations, the stuff that maybe isn't sexy but is foundational knowledge, has actually been lost. Why? Because no one wrote it down. They just passed it on by word of mouth.

Your fancy book learnin' should've thaught you that the strong do what they want and the weak endure what they must. Now bring me your finest meats and cheeses and be quick about it!

Let's just say that it did not end well. Things were thrown, curses hurled, none of the three ever came over again, and I had to recruit a whole new stable of booty calls. Maybe a better man than me could have turned that night into something out of Penthouse Letters, but all I did was end up with my dick in my hand and a mess in my apartment.

If you wear Crocs on a first date

porn stars are only objects for our sexual gratification, not real people.

If you set a goal, then forget about it and instead focus on creating an enjoyable process that you love and find personally rewarding, what happens is that you end up doing better at achieving the goal you set in the beginning.

He solved this issue in his life, and then started training the highest performers—entrepreneurs, CEOs, pro athletes, inventors, and Navy SEALs—to learn how to perform even better using the techniques he had to learn to compensate for his ADHD.