Quotes from Jasper Fforde

Children are such consummate liars

What are you doing? I'm trying - You are not, my girl. There are two sort of people in this world, doers and tryers. You are the latter and I'm trying to make you the former. Now concentrate, girl!

Intentamos que el arte sea perfecto porque en la vida real jamás lo logramos

Richard III was one of those plays that could repeal the law of diminishing returns; it could be enjoyed over and over again.

Their father, Polonius, was in a 'have a go' mood and joined in. He also made changes, and together they renamed it: The Tragedy of the Very Witty and Not Remotely Boring Polonius, Father of the Noble Laertes, Who Avenges His Fair Sister, Ophelia, Driven Mad by the Callous, Murderous and Outrageously Disrespectful Hamlet, Prince of Denmark." "What was it like?" "With Polonius? Very . . . wordy.

It was a brilliant move on my part—if you didn't count the almost-certain-death aspect of the plan.

If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction—and ultimately, without a major resolution." "Perhaps," I said thoughtfully, "that's exactly what we like about it.

To espresso or to latte, that is the question," he muttered, his free will evaporating rapidly. I had asked Hamlet for something he couldn't easily supply: a decision. "Whether 'tis tastier on the palate to choose white mocha over plain

Dad had remained at liberty ever since;

There is a very good reason why sorcerers are all single. Love and magic are like oil and water—they just don't mix.

The room didn't contain a large jar as Landen had suggested, but rather a human-size sarcophagus made out of Tupperware to ensure freshness.

I've always been suspicious of game changers,' she added. 'Sometimes the game doesn't need changing – or no one has a clear idea of which game will be changed, and for what and how much.

Nine good men fell to the Questing Beast that night. The officers would all be awarded the SpecOps Star for 'Conspicuous bravery in the face of Other'.

The circumstances of confusion will be your path to enlightenment' - Thursday Next

Up until the moment of death, there was a 100% survival rate. Really. I wouldn't let anything as meaningless as statistics put you off.

I'm glad to see you're not mutilated in any way," he said. "A missing arm might ruin your symmetry. Personal asymmetry where I come from is a big taboo and brings great shame on the family and sometimes even the whole village." "Do you then have to kill yourself over it or something?" "Goodness me, no! The family and village just have to learn to be ashamed—and nuts to them for being so oversensitive.

All Villains were English, and descendants of the upper classes who had been pushed to the edges of the Albion Peninsula after the devastating Class Wars of the nineteenth century.

Some people have asked me where I find the large quantity of prepositions that I need to keep my Bookworms fit and well. The answer is, of course, that I use omitted prepositions, of which, when mixed with dropped definite articles, make a nourishing food. There are a superabundance of these in the English language

All your life you think the half century is death's adolescence, but actually it's really not that bad, as long as you can remember where you left your glasses.

Webster seemed to me either a man without a past, or a man eager not to have one.

A red setter is so stupid even the other dogs notice, and cats aren't really friendly, they're just cosying up to the dominant life-form as a hedge against extinction.

is a power lurking in all of us, an emotional energy that can be used to move objects and manipulate matter. But it doesn't follow any physical laws that we can, as yet, understand; it exists only in our hearts and minds.

Our position as the policing agency within fiction gave us licensed access to abstract technology. One blast from the eraserhead in Bradshaw's rifle and the Minotaur would be reduced to the building blocks of his fictional existence: text and a bluish mist—all that is left when the bonds that link text to meaning are severed.

There are two sorts of people in this world, doers and tryers. You are the latter and I am trying to make you the former.