Quotes from Dennis Miller

Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.

The average Americans day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charless dart board.

Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of course, a complete blast to watch.

President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.

A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George!

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

I rant, therefore I am.