Quotes from Janet Evanovich

The law is for people who have nothing to hide.

I might be a stay-at-home mother someday, but I'll always be trying to fly off the garage roof. That's just who I am.

Hey! Lula yelled, back in Ranger's face. You look at me when I'm having a breakdown. And don't pull that mysterio silent shit on me. I don't take that bus, you see what I'm saying?

There's no such thing as semi-legal.

I had a long history of calamitous mishaps.

He's the Wizard because he's magic. He mysteriously passes through locked doors. He seems to read minds. He's able to refuse dessert. And he can give me a hot flash with the touch of a fingertip.

No one can eat just one French fry." "I bet supermodels eat just one French fry.

You always did have a problem with undies. Remember when you wet your pants in the second grade? - Joyce Barnhardt

Lennie Smullenski and Anthony Zuck bake the goodies in the back room in big steel ovens and troughs of hot oil. Clouds of flour and sugar sift onto table surfaces and slip under foot. And lard is transferred daily from commercial sized vats directly to local butts.

So sorry for your loss, Grandma said to Monica. My condolences. Yeah, whatever, Monica said. Grandma leaned into the casket for a close look. What are you gonna do, kiss him? Monica asked. I was trying to see where they cut him up when they took his brain out, Grandma said. Monica sucked in some fake smoke. You'd have to unzip his pants for that one.

Ranger unlocked my door, pulled me to him, and kissed me. The kiss started out gentle and finished with enough heat to raise the temperature in the hallway by ten degrees.

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time rolling on the ground with men who think a stiffy represents personal growth.

Working at Rangeman is a high-stress job, and you're one of our few sources of comic relief. I give you a car and my men start a pool on how long it will take you to trash it. You're a line item in my budget under entertainment.

Ranger hung my bag on my shoulder and looked at me. "Are you okay with all this?" "Actually, I feel like throwing up a lot." "It's the doughnuts." "It's my life.

That's why I'm not on social media. People are way too open about their private lives. I don't need to see pictures of what somebody had for lunch or hear about how difficult their last bowel movement was or see on a map where they were when either one happened.

It's a long story," I said. "The short version is Diesel and I are pretending to get married, so we can get Kloughn to marry Valerie." "Does Morelli know about this?" "It's pretend." "I'm not even gonna ask if Ranger knows. Poor ol' Diesel here be dead if Ranger knew.

Rule three, never underestimate nosy neighbors. Mrs. Rupp called and wanted to know why you were standing in the alley, looking into her windows, and she was wondering if she should call the police. I explained it was most likely *my* windows you were looking in and reminded her that *I* was the police, so she needn't bother with another phone call.

A light rain had started to fall. He pulled my jacket hood up and tucked my hair in. His finger traced a line at my temple, our eyes met, and for a terrifying moment I thought he might kiss me. The moment passed, and Ranger pulled back.

Dad's on a fishing boat in front of Carter's estate. If we get into trouble, all I have to do is press the button on the tiny transmitter in my pocket and he'll destroy the dome on top of Carter's house. Is that enough of a distraction for you? Maybe we can work out something a little more subtle.

Mrs. Morelli opened the door to us and smacked Joe on the side of the head. Sex fiend. Just like your father, God rest his rotten soul. Morelli grinned down at his mother. It's a curse.

That's just terrible. Obviously the woman needed a cannoli. I don't know what this world's coming to when you get arrested for needing a cannoli.

We took the stairs to the second floor and ran into Dillan Ruddick, the building super. He had a wet vac going, sucking up water from the soggy hall carpet. 'Thanks for saving my apartment,' I said to him. 'No problemo,' Dillan said. 'I've got it down to a science. The alarm goes off and I run straight to your apartment and grab the fire extinguishers.

Life is a series of natural changes. Resisting change only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.

I bet," Lula said. "If it was me I would have been burning out the motor on my intimate appliances.