Quotes from Janet Evanovich

As much as I disliked Eddie Kuntz, I could sort of identify with a man who got a stiffie over banana cream pie.

The man was irresistible. What's with that? she thought. It was like wanting to bake cookies for the spawn of Satan.

He'd wait. I turned to go into the house and he pulled me back. His hands slid under my shirt and my breath caught. "The wire

How did you know I was out with Bob? What are you, psychic?" "Nothing that exotic. I called, and your grandma told me you were walking the dog." "Gee, that's disappointing. Next thing you'll be telling me you aren't Superman." Ranger smiled. "You want me to be Superman? Spend the night with me.

May misfortune follow us the rest of our lives, but never catch up.

You shouldn't be driving," Morelli said to Kloughn. "I know," Kloughn said. "I tried walking, but I was too drunk. It's okay. I was driving very slooooowly and 'sponsibly.

I was pressed for time, so all I was able to whip up was deviled eggs with a dollop of Tsar Nicoulai caviar on top, a selection of fruit and artisanal cheeses, and sauteed Dover sole with lemon and capers. Kate's idea of preparing a quick meal was eating Cap'n Crunch out of the box, so this was Christmas dinner by comparison.

Sliced off like a chicken neck and stuck with a hatpin. Reminded me of my husband." Lula leaned forward so she could whisper. "You talking about size? Was your man's part that big?" "Heck no," Grandma said. "His part was that dead.

He was around the desk in two strides, reaching out for me. I knocked his hand away, grabbed the staple gun, pressed it into his crotch, and bam, bam, bam, bam . . . I stapled his nuts.

There are lots of things we've never talked about. Such as? Children. Suppose we have children and it turns out we don't like them? If we can like Bob, we can like anything, Morelli said. Bob was in the living room licking lint off the carpet.

War, famine, pestilence didn't stop my relatives from moving forward one foot in front of the other. They were good solid plodders without grandiose expectations. And that's the legacy they left me. The ability to plod forward, no matter the circumstances. I realize plodding isn't glamorous, but there are times when it serves a purpose.

Criminy, Emerson. That's even worse," Riley said. "Who asks someone he's just met if she'd like to see his thimbles? That's serial killer creepy." Emerson

Whoever thought a naked beach was a good idea never sat in one.

Is that why you have hand grenades and a garrote in your nightstand? They're sleep aids.

He pulled me toward him, lowered his mouth to mine, and kissed me. The kiss was slow and deep. His hands were firm on my back. I grasped his shirt and leaned into him. And I felt his body respond.

The difference between adventure and adversity is attitude.

I trudged down the stairs and stood on the sidewalk examining my car. Deep scratch in the roof from a misplaced bullet. Hole in windsheild plus embeddedbullet in passenger seat. Bashed-in right rear quarter panel and right passenger-side door from slegehammer. Previous damage from creepy gun attack by insane stalker, And someone had spray painted EAT ME on the driver's side door. Your car's a mess,Lula said. I don't know what it is with you and cars.

There's a difference between having maturity and being mature. I'm not ready to be mature. I don't want to see the AARP magazine in my mailbox.

Look at that skirt , my mother said when she opened the door to me. It's no wonder we have so much crime today what with these short skirts. How can you sit in a skirt like that? Everyone can see everything. It's two inches above my knee. It's not that short.

She's wacko. I should have known she was wacko from the beginning. She had a thing about spies. Was always watching those stupid Bond movies. I'd be banging her from behind, and she'd be watching James Bond on the television. Can you believe it? ~(Written during Pierce Brosnan's 007 days so, yeah, I CAN believe it!) Four To Score

Ranger was not husband material. He was a heart-stopping handsome Latino, dark-skinned and dark-eyed. He was strong inside and out, an enigma who kept his life scars pretty much hidden.

You don't wear responsibility like clothes. You can't take it off and put it on when you feel like. You wear responsibility on the inside, and it isn't that easy to remove. You have to learn how to live with it.

His can of pepper spray was bigger than my can of pepper spray.

We've got to get into shape," I said to Lula. "We should go to a gym or something." "I'd sooner set myself on fire." That about summed it up for me, too.