Quotes from Janet Evanovich

I hope I'm not intruding,' Morelli said. 'I know you weren't expecting company.' This is the opening statement that will get you into any burg house. No housewife worth her salt will ever admit to having her house not up to company twenty-four hours a day. Jack the Ripper would have easy access if he used this line.

Everyone tells me I'm a pain in the ass." "Then it must be true

You have a lot of nerve pulling the gratitude card on me after all I've done for you." "You got me drunk, kidnapped, and almost blown up!" "And you want more?

Hollywood these days." "We've

Topkapi Dagger.

The result is sometimes an ugly display of old lady bitch slapping.

Turbo Twenty-Three

Maybe Bunchy was actually Allen Funt in disguise, and I was on funniest bounty hunter bloopers. Margaret

VINCENT PLUM BAIL Bonds is one of several storefront businesses on Hamilton Avenue in Trenton, New Jersey. It's run by my cousin Vinnie and owned by his wiseguy father-in-law, Harry the Hammer. Connie Rosolli is the office manager. My name is Stephanie Plum, and my official title is bond enforcement agent. I'm assisted by Lula. We're not sure exactly what Lula does, and we've never been able to come up with a title for her.

Morelli got Briggs a glass. "Don't let the curtains on the windows and the toaster in the kitchen fool you. I'm even less civilized than she is.

Seneca, the Roman philosopher. Sometimes, even to live is an act of courage.

There's been an accident. I had Mr. Loosey on the table, and I was gonna get him dressed, and then I had to go fix the thermostat, and when I got back to Mr. Loosey, I noticed he was missing his..um, private part. I don't know how this could happen. One minute it was there, and the next minute it was gone. -Louie Moon, mortician's assistant

When you're trying to expand your business, it's about real estate in the stores.

When I'm plotting out a book, I use a storyboard - I'll have maybe three lines across on the storyboard and just start working through the plot line. I always know where relationships will go and how the book is going to end.

I always wanted to eat with a Negro," Grandma said. Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney- assed old white woman," Lula said. "So I guess this works out good.

You should see me work my magic in leather" Ranger

I look at the plotline and let my co-author basically write the book; first draft. Then they give it to me, and I totally destroy it and write all my stuff over it.

I wasnt always a writer. When I went to college and majored in fine arts, I was a painter. Then I was a stay-at-home mom.

I have people I love and trust on my team. And I'm lucky my family is incredibly talented in a variety of ways.

I'm sorry about your Porsche." "I can replace the Porsche. I can't replace you. You need to be more careful." I was just sitting in your car!" Babe, you're a magnet for disaster.

Any intelligent woman would have made a dignified retreat, but this was New Jersey, where dignity always runs a poor second to the pleasure of getting in someone's face.

I knew there were no such things as death cooties. Unfortunately, that's an intellectual fact. And death cooties are an emotional reality.

Concentrate on doing the job, not the fear.