Quotes from Janet Evanovich

You took your clothes off? You didn't notice? No! Jeez Louise, I don't even know you. If you look under the covers, you'll know me better. I don't want to know you better! That's a big fib, Diesel said.

Nice tackle, babe," he said. And then he kissed me. No doubt about the intention this time. Not the sort of kiss you'd give your cousin, for instance. More like the sort of kiss a man would give a woman when he wanted to rip her clothes off and give her a reason to sing the Hallelujah Chorus.

Diesel sucked air. You keep fondling me like that, and I might have to marry you. I'm not fondling you. I'm looking for the keys! Could you look a little more gently? You're scaring my boys.

Even more bothersome was the fact that Eddie Kuntz's napkin was moving on his lap without benefit of hands. My first inclination was to shout Snake! and shoot, but probably that wouldn't hold up in court. Besides, as much as I disliked Eddie Kuntz, I could sort of identify with a man who got a stiffie over banana cream pie.

Thank God for small favors.

Ranger is one of the few civilians in Trenton with a permit to carry concealed. He owns office buildings in Boston, has a daughter in Florida by a failed marriage, has worked worldwide as a mercenary, and has a moral code that isn't entirely in sync with our legal system. I have no idea who the heck he is . . . but I like him.

I can't squeeze to keep the breezers in.

Is that your granny?" Ranger wanted to know. "Yup. She was checking to make sure Moogey was here." "You've got a helluva gene pool, babe.

We got into the Explorer, and I couldn't sit with the gun rammed into my pants. "I can't do this," I said to Ranger. "This dumb gun is too big. It's poking me." Ranger closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the wheel. "I can't believe I hired you.

He grabbed me by my jacket lapels, pulled me to him, and kissed me. His tongue touched mine and I got a rush that was just a millimeter below climax. His hands slid inside my jacket and circled my waist. He was hard against me. And suddenly nothing mattered but a Ranger-induced orgasm. I wanted one. Now. The hell with Eddie DeChooch. One of these days he'd drive himself into a bridge abutment and that'd be the end of that.

God bless YouTube," Lula said. "You don't even need to go to college no more because you could learn how to do everything on YouTube.

Okay so I fibbed a little about the kids. I didn't want her to feel bad. I mean we can't all be lucky enough to have a hamster.

My mother is a good Christian woman who would never refuse someone a seat at her table, but I knew this was a nightmare for her. With Lula and Grandma at the table together, it's much more likely that my father will try to stab someone with his fork.

It was so much easier when I was young. You got a boyfriend, and you married him. You had some kids, you got older, one of you died, and that was it.''Jeez. No true love?' 'There's always been true love, but in my day, you either talked yourself into thinking you had it, or you talked yourself into thinking you didn't need it.

So elves could be walking around in our midst, disguised as normal, everyday, vertically challenged citizens.

Concentrate on doing the job, not the fear.

The third message was from my mother. 'Why me?' she said. 'Why do I have to have a daughter who finds dead bodies? Where did I go wrong? Emily Beeber's daughter never finds dead bodies. Joanne Melanowski's daughter never finds dead bodies. Why me!' News travels fast in the Burg.

Holy cow!" I said. "You can't go to the door like that!" "My gun's in the kitchen." "Yes, but your underwear's on the floor in my bedroom!" And that wasn't the biggest problem.

Mystery creates wonder, and wonder is the basis of man's desire to understand.

You in a hurry?" Ranger said, looking amused. "Things to do." I moved to get out of the car, and he grabbed me by the scruff of my neck. "You're going to be careful," he said. Y-y-yes." "And you're going to carry your gun." "Yes." "Loaded." "Okay, loaded." He released my neck. "Sweet dreams.

It's not a nice thing to send a penis to a woman. It's disrespectful.

He blew himself up." "Get out! You mean like guts all over the place?" "Not all over the place," I said. "He was pretty well contained, all things considered.

What's on your bucket list?" I asked. "I got six things so far," Grandma said. "First off, I want new breasts. These ones I got are a mess.

When people ask what you do, tell them you're a writer. Put yourself on the line. Make a commitment.