Quotes from Lewis Black

Everybody's always asking me about my blood pressure. They did an interview once where they hooked me up to a blood pressure machine and they'd rile me. I'd yell and scream, and then it would just go back to normal in a few minutes. Everything else is probably rotting, but the blood pressure is spectacular.

Basically, I started on stage yelling and I kept yelling, and then I yelled some more, and then I yelled even louder. I'm modulated now.

Basically I wake up in the morning and I think everything's going to be great. I'm really kind of optimistic, and I look forward to a new day. I pick up 'The New York Times,' and I look at the front page and realize that once again I'm wrong. I start to fixate on stuff.

If you stop eating donutes you will live 3 years longer.It's just 3 more years that you want a donut. < . ) < .

Being a playwright is like the equivalent of doing a jigsaw puzzle that has 1,500 pieces, and it's a jigsaw of a blue sky. Not a cloud in sight.

I do the same gig. I might change it a little; I might slow it down if I'm in the South. I talk fast, and they're not used to people talking that fast.

Harry Reid is not funny; he's creepy. Nancy Pelosi is creepy. Charles Schumer is sneaky and creepy.

If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.

The Democrats have responded to the Republicans' lack of dealing with reality by truly not dealing with reality, either.

When a country wants television more than they want clean water, they've lost their grip.

If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?'

These ballot initiatives remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so long as that dream doesn't make Midwesterners feel icky!

I do have certain feelings. My feeling is that whoever is in charge, I want him out.

Socialism appeals to me. It's like imposed Christianity. You've got to share.

I am angry that the Democrats don't have the ability to explain to Republicans that we should be able to feed people in this country, and that is not socialism.

What I've found in my career is that 70 to 75 percent of comics are nice and have some sense of social skills, but there are those who end up in comedy because they don't know how to socialize. I don't want to deal with that group.

Do you know what 'meteorologist' means in English? It means liar.

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

The core of the American public, their hearts and their minds are in the right place. And that gives me hope.

I've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute.

I don't Tweet a lot because I've Tweeted things that I thought were really innocuous about subjects that are inflammatory, and the response is so insane sometimes from people.

I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, "You want to go to this party and do some networking?"

I went to New Zealand this year, and, whew man, I know a lot of people want to go there. But let me just tell you, it's 22 hours by plane. So, if you have the opportunity, don't.

It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.'