Quotes from Jim Gaffigan

I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.

For a comedian to kind of catch onto something right as something's catching on in our culture, a lot of it is luck, and you hope the joke is funny.

There's something that's really fun about the challenge of making the mundane funny, too, I think.

I married a woman who loves to camp, and I am what you would call "indoorsy"... My wife always brings up, "Camping's a tradition in my family." Hey, it was a tradition in everyone's family 'til we came up with the house.

No one goes into standup to make money. The frustration and rejection are just too much.

Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

I worked on 'USA Today' as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal.

Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate... being alone.

When I'm in touch with the idea that there is a higher power and that there is, you know, other factors at work, it - it kind of quells my narcissism.

Whatever a writer gets paid for his book, it's never enough. I think that's true. It's hard work. But in the end, you wrote a book. It's something real and tangible that sits on a shelf forever.

Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work toward.

My wife and I, we work together. And we wrote this book, "Dad Is Fat." And in the book, I was encouraged constantly by my editor to be more personal and talk about more personal experiences.

If only opening a Vitamin Water could be classified as working out.

Stand-up is an amazing art form, I think, because it's all about you having complete control of the situation, but absolutely none.

I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.

Other people's children's birthday parties are the most joyful events you will ever resent having to attend.

Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?

There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.

Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent.

If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after he strangled a family. "Yeah-that dad was a tough one to kill."

I was still rooting for Notre Dame.It's like there's the cultural Catholic experience.

"Entertainers Of Faith," funnyman Jim Gaffigan isn't ashamed of his Catholicism. He's seen here leaving a New York comedy club with his Bible in hand.

I would say my return to my faith is - it's a very personal thing.