Quotes from Jim Gaffigan

My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I'm not in control of things.

I didn't think that it's something that would happen. I didn't think I would be in the position, emotionally or financially, to be able to do that. But I've been lucky [to have big family].

I was raised in a family where my father was the first one to go to college.

I grew up in a Catholic family in the Midwest. And I knew people of different faiths and people that were atheists and people that were agnostic.

I have more pictures of my children than my father ever looked at me.

Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Each city in the southeastern part of the United States has its own unique type of specialty food that can be only found in that city, and it all happens to be called 'barbecue'.

It's kind of hard to articulate, but, like, this notion of mercy, forgiveness, was very appealing for me. It was very profound. And it had a deep impact, and I think it still does.

When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight.

You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. 'Ah, the book was much better than the movie.' Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.

I am originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana - mafia.

Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, "Take that, Lipitor."

I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.

Comics write to their point of view. If you're an exceedingly irreverent comedian, you've got to see where that point of view fits or produces the most funny.

It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like "WHATEVER! Why don't you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?"

Cancer is always funny.

I just want to be known as funny.

"I got up early because I wanted to." - Nobody

I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."