Quotes from Bill Watterson

Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.

Calvin is hammering nails into coffee table. Mom: CALVIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE COFFEE TABLE?!? Calvin: Is this some sort of trick question, or what?

I'm crying because out there he's gone, but he's not gone inside me.

I'M SIGNIFICANT!!! ... Say's the dust speck.

The problem with people is that they're only human.

Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.

Blustery cold days should be spend propped up in bed with a mug of hot chocolate and a pile of comic books.

Calvin:It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means? Television: ...it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet

But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!

Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?

I wonder where we go when we die?" "…Pittsburgh?" "You mean if we're good or if we're bad?

I must follow the inscrutable exhortations of my soul.

You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants.

The way Calvin's brain is wired you can almost hear the fuses blowing.

What's the point of wearing your favorite rocket ship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?

Even if lives did hang in the balance, it would depend on whose they were.

I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed.

Calvin: Trick or Treat! Adult: Where's your costume? What are you supposed to be? Calvin: I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak! ...Boy, am I scary or what?

I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life.

But for my own example, I'd never believe one little kid could have so much brains!

Mothers are the necessity of invention.

Verbing weirds language.

It's going to be a grim day when the world is run by a generation that doesn't know anything but what it's seen on TV.

Boy, there's nothing worse than an inscrutable omen.