Quotes from Bill Watterson

I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.

Hold it. You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, and then the bears join up with the big bad wolf and eat Goldilocks and Little Red Riding Hood! Tell me a story like that, OK?

CALVIN: When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.

Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!

I'm related to people I don't relate to.

Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.

In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.

CALVIN: As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight.

History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.

I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian!

People pay more attention when they think you're up to something.

For your information, I'm staying like this, and everyone else can just get used to it! If people don't like me the way I am, well TOUGH BEANS! It's a free country! I don't need anyone's permission to be the way I want! This is who I am - Take it or leave it!

For no reason I can think of, I've wandered far astray. And that is how I got to where I find myself today.

Calvin: Know what I pray for? Hobbes: What? Calvin: The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference.

Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it.

The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity.

The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse

I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.

If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.

That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.

HOBBES: All this modern technology just makes people try to do everything at once.

I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

Mom's not feeling well. So I'm making her a get well card." "That's thoughtful of you." See, on the front it says, 'Get Well Soon' … and on the inside it says,'Because my bed isn't made, my clothes need to be put away and I'm hungry. Love Calvin.' Want to sign it?" "Sure, I'm hungry too