Quotes from Will Rogers

The Republicans have a habit of having three bad years and one good one, and the good one always happens to be election years.

The South is dry and will vote dry. That is, everybody that is sober enough to stagger to the polls will.

It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for.

Those tax-exempt bonds were put in so that a town or a state or a government could sell more bonds than it ought to.

How is the government going to get the extra taxes? Out of the rich, or just out of the poor, as usual?

Wine had such ill effects on Noah's health that it was all he could do to live 950 years. Show me a total abstainer that ever lived that long.

Mona Lisa is the only beauty who went through history and retained her reputation.

There is an awful lot of difference between reading something and actually seeing it, for you can never tell, till you see it, just how big a liar History is.

Don't be misled by History, or any other unreliable source.

There ain't nothing that breaks up homes, country and nations like somebody publishing their memoirs

I have Indian Blood in me. I have just enough white blood for you to question my honesty!

I hope we never live to see the day when a thing is as bad as some of our newspapers make it.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.

The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.

And, when the votes are counted, let everybody, including the candidates, get into a good humor as quick as they got into a bad one.

I never met a man that I didn't like.

All I know is just what I read in the Congressional Record. They have had some awful funny articles in there lately. As our government deteriorates, our humor increases.

Successful colleges will start laying plans for a new stadium; unsuccessful ones will start hunting a new coach

We have killed more people celebrating our independence day than we lost fighting for it.

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

Does college pay? They do if you are a good open-field runner.