Quotes from Bill Cosby

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His kids.

gray hair is gods graffiti

When you graduate from college, they tell you to follow your dreams. Does anyone say you have to wake up first?

People will frighten you about a graduation....They use words you don't hear often.

With my wife Camille's help, I took to social networking. I'm working with the computers.

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.

The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble.

Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets?

The weatherman is always right. It's just his timing that's off.

Old is always fifteen years from now.

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.

My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.

Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.

The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse."

My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been in the room five hours, and she wants me to LOOK at it.

A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head...

What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say that grandparents are God's gifts to children.

A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.