Quotes from Bill Cosby

Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

Every father says the same thing: "Where's your mother?"

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around.

You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them.

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

I am not afraid of crashing, my secret is . . . just before we hit the ground, I jump as high as I can.

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.

I never saw anything funny in a car commercial - but that's OK. Whatever they wanted to do - it's their product and I'm the spokesperson, and I'm going to deliver.

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework

A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

When you become senile, you won't know it.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

People will frighten you about a graduation....They use words you don't hear often... "And we wish you Godspeed." It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think -- in a deeper voice.

Sigmund Freud once said, What do women want? The only thing I have learned in fifty-two years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.

My boyfriend used to ask his mother, 'How can I find the right woman for me?' and she would answer, 'Don't worry about finding the right woman- concentrate on becoming the right man.'

At the very least marriage is a miscarriage of expectation, at its worst a wrenching disappointment with destiny.

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.