Quotes from Fred Allen

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.

After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

California is a great place to live if you're an orange.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

a group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done

The first Sunday I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.