Quotes from Terry Pratchett

Typical artist,' said Granny. 'He just painted the showy stuff in the front... And what about these cherubs? We're not going to get them too, are we? I don't like to see little babies flying through the air.' 'They turn up in a lot of old paintings,' said Nanny Ogg. 'They put them in to show it's Art and not just naughty pictures of ladies with not many clothes on.' 'Well, they're not fooling ME,' said Granny Weatherwax.

She'd struck Esk once before – the blow a baby gets to introduce it to the world and give it a rough idea of what to expect from life.

After my wife was killed in that pogrom in Russia, I came to England with only my tools, and when I saw the white cliffs of Dover, alone without my wife, I said, God, today I don't believe in you anymore. What did God say? Dodger had asked. Solomon had sighed theatrically, as if he had been put upon by the question, and then smiled and said, "Mmm, God said to me, 'I understand, Solomon; let me know when you change your mind.

We—we spread out," he said. "Yes. We spread out. That's what we do." They moved carefully through the bracken. The sergeant crouched behind a handy log, and said, "Right. Very good. You've got the general idea. Now let's spread out again, and this time we spread out separately.

Vetinari gave him a look that did not actually employ a raised eyebrow but which implied that one might be forthcoming if the recipient of the look pushed his luck.

Fair?" said the Sea Queen. She moved forward. Om felt her all around him. "There's no such thing," she said. "Life's like a beach. And then you die.

The trouble is, you see, that if you do know Right from Wrong, you can't choose Wrong. You just can't do it and live.

I mean, doesn't it change history even if you just tread on an ant?' 'For the ant, certainly,' said Qu.

Music, landscape gardening, architecture—there was no start to his talents.

Three very crowded hours went past. They involved quite a lot of phone calls, telexes, and faxes. Twenty-seven people were got out of bed in quick succession and they got another fifty-three out of bed, because if there is one thing a man wants to know when he's woken up in a panic at 4:00 A.M., it's that he's not alone.

He tossed the paper aside. "Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum of moo. And I am afraid to say that these days all I get is moo.

Well, the way I see it, logic is only a way of being ignorant by numbers.

The Weatherwax women have always had one foot in shadow. It's in the blood. And most of their power comes from denying it.

It was destined to be the most impressive kiss in the history of foreplay. The kiss lasted more than fifteen years. Not even frogs can manage that.

With magic, you can turn a frog into a prince. With science, you can turn a frog into a Ph.D and you still have the frog you started with.

We try to make guests feel welcome, said Dee, scuttling behind his desk. He pulled off his pointed hat and, to Vimes's amazement, put on a pair of thick smoked glasses. You had papers? he said. Vimes handed them over. It says here His Grace, the dwarf said, after reading them for awhile. Yes, that's me. And there's a sir. That's me, too. And an excellency. 'fraid so. Vimes narrowed his eyes. I was blackboard monitor for awhile, too.

Around the Godde there forms a Shelle of prayers and Ceremonies and Buildings and Priestes and Authority, until at Last the Godde Dies. Ande this maye notte be noticed.

Of course fantasy is escapist. Most stories are. So what? Teachers are not meant to be jailers.

Happier than a terrier in a barrel full of rats

The plain old Sam Vimes had fought back. He got rid of most of the plumes and the stupid tights, and ended up with a dress uniform that at least looked as though its owner was male. But the helmet had gold decoration, and the bespoke armourers had made a new, gleaming breastplate with useless gold ornamentation on it. Sam Vimes felt like a class traitor every time he wore it. He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid ornamental armour. It was gilt by association.

If it came to that, the book never gave you the evidence of anything. It talked about "a handsome prince"…was he really, or was it just because he was a prince that people called him handsome? As for "a girl who was as beautiful as the day was long"…well, which day? In midwinter it hardly ever got light! The stories didn't want you to think, they just wanted you to believe what you were told

Everybody needs a witch, but sometimes they just don't know it.

And personalities define themselves in terms of other personalities.

It's all trickery. They keep you down and when they piss off some other country, you have to fight for them! It's only your country when they want you to get killed!