Quotes from Louis C. K.

It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.

People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not.

Don't text or twitter during the show. Just live your life. Don't keep telling people what you're doing. Just, because also - also - it lights up your big dumb face.

Pushing the envelope' sort of implies that you're inside the envelope with everyone else, and you're trying to find the edges on the outsides.

Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance.

There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about that. I'm really curious about what people think they're doing when they're doing something evil, casually. I think it's really interesting, that we benefit from suffering so much, and we excuse ourselves from it.

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping as we all should. I dunno. You don't live that long. It doesn't matter.

You know what, it's not your life, it's life. Life is bigger than you, if you can imagine that. Life isn't something that you possess, it's something that you take part in and witness.

For my scale, how I grew up and live my life, I'm making plenty of money.

It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally.

Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic because you transform reality for people.

The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them.

We have white people problems in America. You know what that is? That's when your life is amazing, so you just make stuff up to get worried about.

I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard.

I don't have a brother in real life.

Life is full of horrible mistakes.

To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me.

When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I can see a future where they're going to be dressed, and they're going to be at school. So I kind of let stuff go sometimes.

Spend time with your kids and have your own ideas about what they need. It won't take away your manhood; it will give it to you.

When I see two guys kissing, I'm like, how come I can't kiss one of those guys? They look like they're having a good time.

I spend enough time onscreen looking hangdog and depressed.

Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.

When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides.

The only road to good shows is bad ones. Just go start having a bad time, and if you don't give up, you will get better.