Quotes from Josh Billings

One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.

If a man is right, he can't be too radical; if he is wrong, he can't be too conservative.

Contentment is a kind of moral laziness; if there wasn't anything but contentment in his world, man wouldn't be any more of a success than an angleworm is

Most men had rather say a smart thing than do a good one. John P. Kotter, Leading Change.

The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.

I never had a man come to me for advice yet, but what I soon discovered that he thought more of his own opinion than he did of mine.

If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself.

I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money.

Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.

The MOSQUITO... bites the 1st time as sharp and natural as red pepper does.

Thare iz 2 things in this life for which we are never fully prepared, and them iz twins... Twins are two very interesting acksidents tew happen in sumboddy elses family, but one twin at a time suits me the most.

To know exactly where the zodiac sign is, multiply the day of the month by the sign, then find a dividend that will go into a divider four times without any remains, subtract this from the sign, add the first quotient to the last divider, then multiply the whole of the man's body by all the signs, and the result will be just what you are looking after.

Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first.

It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.

The easiest thing for our friends to discover in us, and the hardest thing for us to discover in ourselves, is that we are growing old.

Unless we put heart and soul into our labor we but brutify our actions.

It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.

Building air castles is a harmless business as long as you don't attempt to live in them.

When a man comes to me for advice I find out the kind of advice he wants - and I give it to him.

Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected.

We hate those who will not take our advice and despise those who do.

My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other.

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take.