Quotes from Josh Billings

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.

Nature makes all the noblemen; wealth, education, or pedigree never made one yet.

You'd better not know so much, than to know so many things that ain't so.

Faith is the soul riding at anchor.

If it wasn't for faith there would be no living in this world we couldn't even eat hash with any safety.

The devil is the father of lies, but he neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from competition.

Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds a man down or polishes him up depends on the stuff he's made of.

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.

Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.

Advice is like castor oil — easy enough to give but dreadful hard to take.

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.

I've never known an auctioneer to lie unless it was absolutely necessary.

Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take.

Some folks are wise and some otherwise.

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.

It's not the things you don't know that fool you. It's the things you do know that ain't so.

Don't mistake pleasure for happiness. They are a different breed of dogs.

Love iz like the meazles; we kant have it bad but onst, and the later in life we have it the tuffer it goes with us

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.