Quotes from Jay Leno

The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular.

Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence ... and then he had to leave to attend a fundraiser.

I looked up the word POLITICS in the dictionary, and it's actually a combination of two words: poli, which means 'many,' and tics, which means 'bloodsuckers.'

As a politician he does everything to keep out of trouble often by not asking questions. However it does bother him that every time the doorbell rings his maid hides in the dryer.

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.

If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.

In an exclusive interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network Donald Trump said "I believe in god." But of course The Donald was talking about Himself.

Good news. President Bush is creating thousands of new jobs. Unfortunately, all of them are at the White House.

According to The New York Times, the mob has now gotten into Medicare fraud. But the good news is, when they do break your legs there's a good chance you're covered.

Not a good night for President Obama. He lost elections in Virginia, New Jersey, and he's not doing good in Afghanistan either.

According to the latest poll, a record 73 percent of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction. But the good news: Gas is so expensive that we'll never get there.

A new poll shows only 3 percent strongly approve of the job Congress is doing, with a margin of error of 4 percent, so it's possible that "less than no one" thinks they're doing a good job.

The good news is, President Obama was born in America. The bad news is, so was Donald Trump.

Remember the good old days when the only bomb you had to worry about on a plane was the Rob Schneider movie?

The White House says that the unemployment rate is good news because it means more people are looking for jobs. More good news like that, and everyone at the White House will be looking for jobs.

Now the Democrats control the Senate. But the good news is that now the Republicans can admit that Strom Thurmond has been dead since 1988.

The good news is, the stock market is closed and it can't hurt us again until tomorrow.

You know, it shows how old I am. I can remember the good old days when the president picked the Supreme Court justices instead of the other way around.

Gray Davis got some good news this week: the Clintons are out here in California campaigning for him. Actually, Hillary is campaigning for Davis, Bill is out here for Larry Flynt.

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said this week there's a good chance we never get bin Laden. bin Laden! We couldn't even get O.J.!

If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, don't send cruise missiles. He should send over some of his economic advisers.

A woman in Great Britain has died after being hit in the back of the head by a golf ball, on the first hole. Her husband was so distraught, he only played the front nine.

Happiness is a privilege.

Saddam Hussein has raised the amount going to suicide bombers from $10 thousand dollars to $25 thousand. What's next, a health care plan?