Quotes from John Waters

A psychiatrist once told me early in treatment, "Stop trying to make me like you," and what a sobering and welcome smack in the face that statement was. Yet somehow, every day of my life is still a campaign for popularity, or better yet, a crowded funeral.

Without Obsession, Life Is Nothing

My idea of rich is that you can buy every book you ever want without looking at the price and you're never around assholes. That's the two things to really fight for in life.

Maybe there is no better novel in the world than Denton Welch's In Youth Is Pleasure. Just holding it in my hands, so precious, so beyond gay, so deliciously subversive, is enough to make illiteracy a worse social crime than hunger.

But feeling down can make you feel up if you're the creative type. The emotional damage may have already been done to you, but stop whining. Use your insanity to get ahead.

There is right and there is wrong, I have NEVER been wrong.

I`d love to sell out completely. It`s just that nobody has been willing to buy.

Go out in the world and fuck it up beautifully.

Our assholes will be clean but we must never wash our hands. Our immune systems will be strengthened by our being dirty. Not filthy. Just mildly grimy. Filthy fingernails have always been a favorite fashion accessory of mine. Especially when you place your hands in the prayer positions. Matter of fact, I urge all my followers to forgo nail polish permanently and replace it with expertly applied soot. The nonexistent gods above will ignore our prayers better this way.

I imagine Johnny Mathis hates Bin Laden as much as I do, but could Johnny agree Bin Laden had a better speechwriter than Bush? Axis of Evil? Come on. A swimmer in the ocean does not fear the rain is much more powerful propaganda. Poetic, even.

First of all, accept that something is wrong with you. It's a good start. Something has always been wrong with me, too. We're in a club of sorts, the lunatic fringe who are proud to band together. There's a joyous road to ruin out there, and if you let me be your garbage guru, I'll teach you how to succeed in insanity and take control of your low self-esteem. Personality disorders are a terrible thing to waste.

I mean, what is prison, really, except a good bar without the liquor?

It wasn't until I started reading ... that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a good life without being like everybody else.

I'm so lucky to be having a happy childhood as an adult.

I'd rather have a daughter in a whorehouse than a son in the police force,' Esther used to rage to anyone who would listen.

Aren't maids the ultimate art critics?

Remember: you must participate in the creative world you want to become part of.

but my abortion politics are simple. If you can't love your child, don't have it, because it will grow up and kill me.

Get on the fashion nerves of your peers, not your parents - that is the key to fashion leadership.

Just because something 'happens', because it is 'true', because the 'facts' are correct, does not ensure that it is the truth.

I'm perpetual tourist, and that's the best way to travel. Nobody gets used to you, you make new friends without having to hear anyone's everyday problems, and you jet back still feeling like a know-it-all.

Nobody likes a bore on a soapbox. Humor is always the best defense and weapon. If you can make an idiot laugh, they'll at least pause and listen before they do something stupid . . . to you.

My dear, We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't fuck them. Don't let them explore you until they've explored the secret universes of books. Don't let them connect with you until they've walked between the lines on the pages. Books are cool, if you have to withhold yourself from someone for a bit in order for them to realize this then do so. Truly yours, John Samuel Waters

With humans it's abortion, but with chickens it's an omelet!