Quotes from John Waters

If you go home with someone and they don't have books, don't fuck them.

He strapped a video camera to the hood of his car and we drove around while he filmed us smashing through piles of old dead Christmas trees that residents had left in the alleys and he would set on fire. I could never get Jake to "put out" but it still was a really romantic night for me, so I stayed in touch.

Wealth is walking into any bookshop and buying any book you want without looking at the price tag.

I never rewatch the great films of my favorite directors because I'm afraid they won't hold up.

Read to make yourself smarter! Less judgmental. More apt to understand your friends' insane behavior, or better yet, your own.

It's always up to other people to say if something is art. I hate it when people say, I'm an artist. I think, well, I'll be the judge of that. And I don't think artist is a job description. It's a critique, a favorable critique, that someone else might apply to your work.

I believe that if a seven-year old kid has heard of Naked Lunch and is daring enough to want to read it, he's old enough to read it.

You should want to be rich at 40, at 20 you should want to kill the rich; it's the right of youth

And finally, count your blessings. You got through college. You didn't commit suicide, O.D., or have a nervous breakdown, and let's remember the ones who did. It's time to get busy. It's your turn to cause trouble.

I sneak a look over and consider a blow job, but even I know giving head in the middle of a demolition derby is risky

I'd like to praise the drivers who picked me up. If I ever hear another elitist jerk use the term flyover people, I'll punch him in the mouth. My riders were brave and open-minded, and their down-to-earth kindness gave me new faith in how decent Americans can be. They are the only heroes in this book.

Why is Mommy crying?" the young boy asks his dad, all sugared up and bewildered with concern. "Because you're an asshole," barks back the father with exasperated logic.

Don't worry about doing research. Just search.

Everyone's sex life is funny except your own. Every person's is, and yours never is. The lengths people go to — and the extremes and the conditions and the mental exercises and guilt and shame and happiness that everybody goes through — and what they'll do for sex is never-ending and mind-boggling and very interesting to me. And I don't think a lot of times people choose any of it.

I'm alive, I think, and so many of my friends are not. I may be nuts to be doing this, but I'm kind of proud of myself. I am having an adventure. I like my life. Even if I have to stand here for the rest of it.

All ideology can be embraced if the leader dresses well.

Keep up with what's causing chaos in your own field.

Nothing is more important than an unread library.

Librarians are always smart, a little nuts, and know how to party.

I'm rich! I don't mean money-wise. I mean that I have figured out how to never be around assholes at any time in my personal and professional life. That's rich.

Fantasies are like extra cash. They need to be banked for later use.

There's a prison there, too, which always makes me feel included.

As soon as you stop listening to new music, your life is over. You are a fart.

I'm recognized in public about 80 percent of the time across this country, but during the other 20 percent when I'm not, I get pissed when I realize how shabbily other people must be treated every day. When store clerks or airline reps do suddenly recognize me and get nice after being grumpy when they didn't know who I was, I get testy right back.