Quotes from Eddie Izzard

I try to keep performing as much as possible - I just like to. I used to take huge gaps off between gigs, now I just like to do stand-up gigs as much as I can.

They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

You piss me off you Salmon... You're too expensive in restaurants.

It's not a bloody piano, it's a clarenARt...you weird talking person.

Peace, peace, peace. Peace is organized.

Poetry is very similar to music, only less notes and more words.

I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.

If you're a performer, people tend to be quite positive about you or they have no opinion.

If you can be your own force of nature and have a positive heart, then you can actually do something good in the world.

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

We will now sing forth, hymn 405, 'Oh God, what on earth is my hairdo all about?

I don't believe in God. So I'm a non-believer in the non-visible. I'm a believer in us; in humans.

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!

Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.

We must have been hunters and gatherers but some of us were just waiters and hopers.

They say the Universe started with a big bang. I hope everybody stood well back.

I'm into humanity. I don't believe in God, but I believe in human beings.

Cake and tea or death?

We must have been hunters and gatherers but some of us were just waiters and hopers.

I am a professional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over. Cause if a woman falls over wearing heels, that's embarrassing. But if a bloke falls over wearing heels, you have to kill yourself. It's the end of your life.

You say 'erbs, and we say herbs… because there's a fucking 'h' in it!

Despair is the fuel of terrorism, and hope is the fuel of civilization, so we have to put more hope into the world than despair. Hatred and separation and building walls is not the way to progress. Going backward is not the way to go forward.

You notice how they always put the fruit and veg at the entrance to the supermarket? You go in thinking 'this is a fresh shop, everything in here is FRESH! I will do well to shop here'. You never go straight to the bit with the toilet paper, loo brushes and such do you? You'd think 'this is a POO shop! Everything in here is themed on POO!

I've learnt that you've got to be really non-apologetic... You've got to say, 'Hi, I'm here, can I have a cup of tea? And one of those biscuits?' If you say that, it's fine. If you go in and say, 'Excuse me, I'm a transvestite, I'll be in the corner, I won't be a problem, I'll face away,' everyone will go, 'Oh-oh, problem case in the corner.' So don't apologise.