Quotes from Kinky Friedman

I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.

I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.

If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I rarely meddled in the cat's personal affairs and she rarely meddled in mine. Neither of us was foolish enough to attribute human emotions to our pets.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world.

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I came from an upper-middle class home, which is always a hard cross for a country singer to bear.

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

On the whole I prefer cats to women because cats seldom if ever use the word 'relationship'.

Jerry Jones and Chris Christie are probably the most important latent homosexual relationship since Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

The people I respect all died broke and despairing. They didn't leave a lot of hammered iron behind them like Donald Trump has done.

Always respect your superiors, if you have any.

We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.

When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.

You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.

We're all worm bait waiting to happen. It's what you do while you wait that matters.

All my adult life I've been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am.

If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?