Quotes from Christopher Moore

You sure about this writer thing son?

Next out of the hall came the sisters and their husbands. Before I could say anything, the captain had clamped his hand over my mouth and was lifting me off my feet as I kicked. Cornwall made as to draw his dagger, but Regan pulled him away. You've just won a kingdom, my duke, killing vermin is a servant's task. Leave the bitter fool stew in his own bile. She wanted me. It was clear.

Oh my God, you're like Obnoxious and Annoying had an ass baby!

The medium obscured the message.

So, like, the master needed a hand, if you know what I mean, so I was like, Oh chill, it's a stress thing, everyone does it. I'm flicking the bean under the table right now just to dial the tension back a little. Yes. Yes. Yes! Oh-zombie-jeebus-fuck-me-Simba-lion-king-hakuna-matata! Yes! --The Chronicles of Abby Normal

The three jewels of Tao: compassion, moderation, and humility. Balthasar said compassion leads to courage, moderation leads to generosity, and humility leads to leadership.

You think too much. Thinking will bring you nothing but suffering. Be simple.

So Now You're Death: Here's What You'll Need

Privacy is a wonderful thing. Like love, privacy is most manifest in its absence.

Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.

Fine, as the tailor said to the broke and naked knight, suit yourself.

You know, there's a 12 step program for gambling. You should look into that. Twelve steps. Coyote laughed. I'll bet I can do it in six.

So hey, once Joshua heals your brother, you want to go do something, get some pomegranate juice, a falafel,or get married or something?

Author's Warning If you're buying this book as a gift for your grandma or a kid, you should be aware that it contains cusswords as well as tasteful depictions of cannibalism and people in their forties having sex. Don't blame me. I told you.

In fact, he sorely hoped that it would happen, because otherwise, the world made no sense, there was no justice, and life was just a tangled ball of chaos.

What this movie needs is more brain eating zombies.

Diogenes carried a bowl with him for years, but one day saw a man drinking from his cupped palm and declared, 'I have been a fool, burdened all these years by the weight of a bowl when a perfectly good vessel lay at the end of my wrist.

People always stay the age that they died at. My big brother died of leukemia when I was six. He was eight. Now when I think of him, he's always eight, and he's still my big brother. He never changes, and the part of me that remembers him never changes.

Is it so hard for you to give up what you never had?

Whistler,' Manet called. 'How's your mother?

Why understand when you can believe?

Compliment but do not covet.

He always had a problem with the purity of others. Never his own.

Even a mentally challenged shark would figure out that sea turtles did not wear boxer shorts printed in flying piggies, and no sea turtle would be yattering streams of obscenities between chain-smoker gasps of breath.