Quotes from David Wong

John unzipped the satchel and pulled out a weapon he had made, a Bible wrapped around the end of a baseball bat with electrician's tape. He brought it up to the ready. I pushed "play.

In those moments of chaos, everything you thought you could depend on falls away. Everything turns upside down. Heroes turn out to be cowards, and vice versa. Your best-laid plan fails, your most haphazard improvisation saves your life. Friends turn out to be enemies. In the end, Zoey, you can trust nothing. You can only have another plan ready to go. One after another.

And you seen enough horror movies to know the black dude don't ever make it to the end." "We all appreciate your sacrifice, TJ." "Fuck you." He laughed. So did I.

We simplify tens of millions of individuals down into simplistic stereotypes, so that they hold the space of only one individual in our limited available memory slots. And here is the key—those who lie outside the circle are not human. We lack the capacity to recognize them as such.

As soon as you get home, you meet the reanimated body of the guy you beheaded earlier. He's also got a new head, stitched on with what looks like plastic weed-trimmer line, and it's wearing that unique expression of "you're the man who killed me last winter" resentment that one so rarely encounters in everyday life.

Now, are you familiar with the Lord of the Rings?" Molech hesitated again, realizing he was playing someone else's game, but with no idea what else to do. He said, "Yeah, old horror movie about a ghost girl who crawls out of a television?" "No, this is the one with wizards and elves. Ends with the midgets fighting in a volcano? It

It's the microscopic parasite that causes malaria. Nearly half of all human deaths in recorded history have been caused by this invisible assassin. One could make the argument that Plasmodium falciparum is the dominant life form on the planet, and that human civilization exists purely to give it a breeding ground.

John's coffee, which tasted like battery acid someone had pissed in then cursed at for several hours.

NO!" he screamed at it. "No! Don't you see, you dumb son of a bitch? We don't want to kill you! Can you even hear me, you fucking animal? I will put this through your goddamned neck!

Did you doze off there?" He shook my hand. "Uh, no. I was just tryin' to rub somethin' off the back of my eyelid.

He tried to imagine Dave walking around the streets of Tokyo. It was like picturing RoboCop in Middle Earth—

I was hammered by either a flying body tackle or an unnecessarily aggressive hug.

We bless the ice, then we just have to somehow get all hundred or so of those monsters to go lick the statue!" I stared hard into the face of the older man, said, "Okay, there is no possible combination of English words that would form a dumber plan than that.

I fully recognize that all of those are things only a mentally ill person believes. Therefore, I do not believe them." Boom. Therapy accomplished.

CHAPTER 11 By the way . . . Looking back, if I had gone in and seen what was in the toolshed, I would have put a bullet in my own skull one minute later.

No matter who you are or where you're from, we can all look upon the raw, energetic creations of children and agree that they are very shitty artists.

I squinted drunkenly into the rearview mirror and tried in vain to find the headlights of the black truck that was chasing us, but I actually wasn't sure if its drivers needed headlights to see or if they even had eyes. I also wasn't sure it was a truck, or if it was black, or if we were being pursued at all. It was definitely raining, though.

Good-bye, Molly," I muttered. "Of all the dogs I've known in my life, I've never seen a better driver.

you're going to die and you're going to stand at the gates of judgment and you're going to ask God what was the meaning of it all, and God will say, 'I created the universe, you little shit. It was up to you to give it meaning.

the heavy monkey of sleep rested its warm, furry ass on my eyelids.

But in those first hours after you take it, your brain is tuned in like nothing you can imagine. Eyes like the Hubble telescope, sensing light that's not even on the spectrum. You might be able to read minds, make time stop, cook pasta that's exactly right every time.

This is a part of the country that created a nationwide ammunition shortage the day after they saw a non-white president won an election. They

If you've actually seen a ghost—and I assure you that you probably have, within the last month—it would have just looked like any real, solid person. It's likely nobody saw that person but you and no, you can't photograph them. You're not seeing them with your eyes.

John and I have made this stuff our hobby, in the way that an especially attractive prisoner makes a hobby out of not getting raped.