Quotes from David Wong

WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT to read is the product of a deranged mind, and I, of course, am talking about the deranged mind of the supposedly loving god who allowed these totally real events to occur.

I'm not crazy," I said, crazily, to my court-appointed therapist.

the ones who grip the Bible so tight they leave fingernail grooves, they're the ones who are the most scared of their dark side. Always going too far the other way, fighting for the Lord, often just because it gives them an excuse to fight.

Please don't not panic!" The

You don't even exist. We're all just a figment of my cock's imagination.

OH SON OF A MOTHERFUCK THE FUCKING SOY SAUCE IS DIGGING A FUCKING HOLE INTO MY FUCKING FACE.

Type of guy whose life had gone exactly as he'd expected it. I bet he'd never shot a delivery guy with a crossbow even once.

John claims that here he told the guards that he could not speak English and when this failed to persuade them, he faked a violent seizure.

And I'm not crazy. I mean, I know anybody can say that. But a crazy person can't fake sane, right?

Molly had moved when the rest of the world was still,

I collect. Though I guess that wording would imply that I seek this stuff out; I actually meant "collect" in the way that dead bugs "collect" on your windshield.

His name is Korrok the Slavemaster from the eighth plane, also known in some realms as Baa'aaa'aaa'aab and in others as the Lord Zanthk All-Bzzki'l Shadd'uuul'l L'luuu'ddahs L'ikzzb-lla Khtnaz

After being raised as an evangelical Christian, I for years assumed that Christianity was the default - there were Christians, and then there were weirdos. I was shocked when, in college, I found that some people get offended when you tell them, for instance, that their recovery from surgery was a 'miracle.'

Kittens will make your sad go away

She sat one of the fluffy cats in my lap and stuffed the other down my shirt. She turned and left. 'There,' said the large man. 'The kittens will make your sad go away.

All of society is built to prop up that lie, the whole world a big, noisy puppet show meant to distract us from the fact that at the end, you'll die, and you'll probably be alone.

For those of us who aren't great with people, we figure that silence is always the safest bet. If you're an introvert, you spend so much of your time wishing that other people would just shut the hell up that you figure you're doing everyone a favor.

Start working on whatever you hesitate Because there is an ending to every beginning. When you make it to the end, You will realize the hesitation was a waste of time.

You know if you walked around the world, your hat would travel thirty-one feet farther than your shoes?

And watch out for Molly. See if she does anything unusual. There's something I don't trust about the way she exploded and then came back from the dead like that.

Which would prove I'm a monster, Arnie? Sacrificing the people I love for the fight? Or walking away from the fight to save the people i love?

Falling in love with a house or a car or a pair of shoes, it was a dead end. You save your love for the things that can love you back.

You're the kind of man a man wants when a man wants a man.

Antidepressants. The thought of this girl actually being depressed made me want to grab the whole planet and throw it into the sun. Well, more than usual anyway.