Quotes from Evan Esar

A man doesn't have vacation problems: his boss tells him when to take them, and his wife tells him where.

The man who doctors himself with the aid of medical books, runs the risk of dying of a typographical error.

A home in the country is what a city man hopes to buy and a farmer hopes to sell.

A man picks a wife about the same way an apple picks a farmer.

You can tell a man's taste in literature by his judgment in knowing what not to read.

Many a man who goes to Las Vegas to get away from it all soon finds that Las Vegas gets it all away from him.

A homosexual is the only man who ever meets a man he would like to marry if he were a woman.

An actor is a man with an infinite capacity for taking praise.

Man is the control experiment of heredity and environment; and since his heredity controls him, he tries to control his environment.

Many people will laugh at the drop of a hat, especially if the man is still in it.

Some men take good care of a car; others treat it like one of the family.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

The only medicine that needs no prescription, has no unpleasant taste, and costs no money is laughter.

The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.

The little boy who goes to the store and forgets what his mother sent him for, will probably grow up to be a congressman.

The best way to spoil a good story is by sticking to the facts.

Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.

Zoo: An excellent lace to study the habits of human beings

Common sense is usually lack of imagination, and imagination is usually lack of common sense.

Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them.

A bureaucrat is an official who is clothed with power and whom it doesn't fit.

The trouble with dieting is that a pound of will power takes off only an ounce of weight.

The most uncommon form of intelligence is common sense.