Quotes from George Burns

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

At my age flowers scare me.

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.

Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can't wait to finish your breakfast. You can't wait to do your exercises. You can't wait to put on your clothes. You can't wait to get out -- and you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Julian and Jake sitting in a tree K I S S I N G, first comes love then comes sex then comes baby smoking!

Life's but a day at most.

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.