Quotes from George Burns

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

Young. Old. Just Words.

Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them.

Say Goodnight Gracie.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible

I thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn't take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate.

With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate.

A married couple that plays cards together is just a fight that hasn't started yet.

When I was in Vegas women were throwing their hotel keys at me. But it was after they checked out.

Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.

A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.

My best advice: Fall in love with what you do for a living.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Young. Old. Just Words.

I smoke cigars because at my age if I don't have something to hang on to I might fall down.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.