Quotes from Robert Orben

Every speaker has a mouth An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Once You Know Your Worth.....You Will Stop Giving Out Discounts!

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral.

Spring is God's way of saying 'One more Time

Those People Who Tried to Bury You didn't Know You Were A Seed........

To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.

Individuality' is the key to success.

Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.

They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

President Ford used humor a great deal.

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'

Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?

The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

If you can laugh together, you can work together.