Quotes from Eoin Colfer

I often think I should just abandon the whole thing. I really do. Time travel could be a gift to humanity. Whoever controls it could do some real good for mankind. But you have to ask yourself, with humanity's track record, is that likely? - Professor Charles Smart

Guide Note: Technically, there were no aliens on the ship, just space travellers. As soon as the 'alien's' identity is revealed we can abandon that classification.

She held out a small voice recorder. 'By the way, could you describe exactly how you felt at the moment of impact? I'm writing this short story--' 'Put that away, Hazel,' hissed Mam. 'The poor boy is in pain.' Hazel persisted. 'Would that be a white-hot pain? Or more of a dull throbbing pain?

How about the adventures of Gloop and Angry Hamster in the Dimension of Fire?

Meervoudige persoonlijkheid, waandenkbeelden, dwangneurose. Ik heb ze allemaal, maar ik ben vooral gek op jou. - Orion/Artemis

Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers.

Maybe you read my article in WooHoo ? I never read press. You start believing it, you see...

Holly wanted to be sure she understood what was being said. "So you're saying that Shelly is going to light a fart?" "No, Shelly is going to light the fart. He has stored enough methane to power Haven for a year. There hasn't been a fart like this since the last dwarf tribal gathering.

There are those who believe that true love is humankind's greatest motivator. Those people are sweet but completely wrong.

I must capture the flag,' he breathed. 'That's what a pirate captain is supposed to do. Go to the roof, so I can capture the flag and gloat.' 'Capture the flag and goat?' 'Gloat.' Isabella stood hands on hips. 'It's pronounced goooaaat, idiot.

Man is the biggest threat to Earth. We gut the planet of its fossil fuels then turn those same fuels against the planet through global warming... The world's glaciers are losing as much as six feet of ice cover per annum, that's half a million square miles in the Arctic Ocean alone in the past thirty years.

What I did was shameful. I was weak and I will carry regret for the rest of my life.

Foaly is singing," said Holly. "Surely that's illegal?

Unlike fairies who could produce only a single child every twenty years, Mud People bred like rodents.

Someone old enough to grasp the principles of commerce, yet young enough to believe in magic

his face glowing redder than a baboon's behind.

Invent things that people actually want. Keep your thoughts to yourself until you are ready to patent your invention

One: listen to your commander—he is always right. Two: ignore all hunches, unless suggested by your commander, who is always right. Three: if in doubt, call your commander. The one who is always right.

He had seen bigger men than he with mummy's handkerchief clutched in on hand and a bloody dagger in the other.

Holly took a moment to study a painting that dominated one wall. 'Oh, give me a break,' she said. The picture was in oils. Completely white. There was a brass plaque beneath. It read 'Snow Ghost'.

The officer holstered his weapon, drawing out a set of cuffs.

Young love is common, but that doesn't mean it's not precious.

Together we will be unstoppable. Your friend and benefactor, Artemis Fowl II

Naturally, we lunatics are the kindest of the bunch.