Quotes from Melody Beattie

Anger, rage, complaining, and whining are clues to boundaries we need to set.

Boundaries are to take care of ourselves, not to control others. If we set a boundary not to be around practicing alcoholics, it isn't to force Harvey to stop drinking. Harvey can choose to drink or not drink. Our boundary gives us a guideline to make our choice—whether we want to be around Harvey.

Some people strive to relinquish all expectations and live moment to moment. That is admirable. But I think the important idea here is to take responsibility for our expectations. Get them out into the light. Examine them. Talk about them. If they involve other people, talk to the people involved. Find out if they have similar expectations. See if they're realistic.

We're so careful to see that no one gets hurt. No one, that is, but ourselves. —AL-ANON MEMBER

Here's an interesting phenomenon about gratitude: it's difficult to feel too bad when we're feeling grateful. Your mind has room for only one thought at a time. If you fill it with gratitude, there isn't room for negativity.

Surrender to love, without allowing people to control us or keep us from caring for ourselves. Start by surrendering to love for yourself.

Learn the words: "This is what I need from you. This is what I want from you.

An unexamined life isn't worth living, or so they say. The problem with living up to other people's expectations too much is that it doesn't leave us time to have a life. Take a moment. Ask yourself this question, and don't be afraid to look deeply: Are you allowing someone else's expectations to control your life? Examine the expectations you're living up to; then live by your own inner guide.

LOW SELF-WORTH Codependents

All our experiences are rich colors that make a full life.

Each person's feelings are his or her own. Nobody makes

try to prove they're good enough to be loved. don

We need to find a balance between solving problems and learning to live with unsolved problems.

To be happy we need someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I

I still have bad days. But that's okay. I used to have bad years. —Anonymous

When I awoke, my first thoughts and feelings were painful.

A good rule of thumb is: You need to detach most when it seems the least likely or possible thing to do. I

Today, I will exchange a controlled life for one that is manageable.

You need to detach most when it seems the least likely or possible thing to do.

Sometimes codependents were blamed; sometimes they were ignored; sometimes they were expected to magically shape up (an archaic attitude that has not worked with alcoholics and doesn't help codependents either).

Codependent No More Workbook Codependents' Guide to the Twelve Steps 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact Finding Your Way Home Gratitude

Learn the words: I feel. Let others say those words and learn to listen—not fix—when they do.

attraction to and tolerance for the bizarre, other-centeredness that results in abandonment of self

At least we know we're alive if we're reacting. At least we've got something to do if we're obsessing or controlling. For