Quotes from Lemony Snicket

Goodness!" he cried. "Golly! Good God! Blessed Allah! Zeus and Hera! Mary and Joseph! Nathaniel Hawthorne!

how to construct a device that could retrieve a rock after you had skipped it into the ocean.

But to force your dreadful singing voice on somebody, or even a crowd of people, is one of the world's most wicked crimes

Nobody knows anything at all. We have no idea what is happening. We are all bewildered.

the stories that end in The End that began in The Bad Beginning are beginning to end now.

It is always tedious when someone says that if you don't stop crying, they will give you something to cry about, because if you are crying then you already have something to cry about, and so there is no reason for them to give you anything additional to cry about, thank you very much. Sunny

I always thought that knowing what the letters stood for would solve the mystery, but I'm as mystified as I ever was.

I feel fine," Sunny said. "Burn down hotel." "That's my girl!" Count Olaf cried. "If only Carmelita had your spunk! With all the errands I had to do, burning down this hotel hadn't even occurred to me. But even when you're very busy, you should always take time for your hobbies.

I am a loneliness savant

Count Olaf, like any good businessman, has committed a wide variety of crimes.

had left behind an enormous fortune, which

A cranky old woman who makes good doughnuts is better than a cranky old woman who doesn't.

If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels, and if you haven't, you cannot possibly imagine it. For

This is a difficult trick, and most people never master it, and end up dead or uncomfortable at least once during their lives.

All these things are miracles. It is a miracle if you can find true friends, and it is a miracle if you have enough food to eat, and it is miracle if you get to spend your days and evenings doing whatever it is you like to do, and the holiday season -- like all other seasons -- is a good time not only to tell stories of miracles, but to think about the miracles in your own life, and to be grateful for them, and that's the end of this particular story.

When a city or a town sets aside a piece of land for public relaxation, it is a sign that someone is thinking about the happiness of someone else

We didn't care what happened to anything. I'd never done something like that and, even under the circumstances, it was a little fun. I understood bullies better. I understood why you'd want to push things around without caring if you caused any damage.

The sad truth is that the truth is sad, and what you want does not matter.

volunteer fire department?

I looked up at the painting that hung above my bed as usual, a little girl holding a dog with a bandaged paw. Who would paint such a thing, I wondered. First he painted the little girl and nobody cared, so he added a dog. Still nobody cared, so he added a bandage on the dog's paw, and now it's hanging in the Far East Suite watching me try to sleep. How long has that dog been hurt? How long has the girl been watching?

LEARNING IS FUN!

It's hard when you're missing your family," Pip said, and started up the motor. "You wake up every morning like someone took one of your legs.

Murder' is the word for a group of crows, like a flock of geese or a herd of cows or a convention of orthodontists.

How could someone so wonderful do something so terrible?