Quotes from Lois Greiman

There aren't many things a man finds more appealing than loyalty. Unless it's a woman with really big knockers.

A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but there's nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system.

If they really wanted us to resist temptation, they shouldn't a made it so damn tempting.

No civilized being lived in North Dakota.

When in doubt, shoot 1st and ask questions later, but avoid the head, "because they'rea lot more likely to answer if they're not dead.

He's just a flash in the pants.

Maybe there's no such thing as happily ever after. Maybe okay for now is the best you get.

Some men are warriors and some men are weenies. The trick is figuring out which is which.

Let me just say at this juncture that when I let the crazy in, I don't just crack the window. I throw open the front door and invite its friends: paranoia, psychosis, and neurosis. "Maybe

Today's problems are yesterday's mistakes coming back to bite you in the ass.

Maybe life does suck, Pork Chop, but it beats the hell out of the alternative.

Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a hell of a lot more effective in court. So your set, McMullen

Just when you think you have life by the tail, it's likely to whip around and take a hunk outta your balls.

There is no greater hell than realizing you're in love with the guy you hate.

There is no surer road to perdition than the ledger glands dictate your direction.

You lose a couple of pounds and get a guy good and drunk, you could have a hell of a good time even if you are not smart.

Generally, men are superior in the areas of heavy lifting, where there's a past only by pachyderms and building cranes. Beyond that, I believe any right-thinking thinking will see that women have the indisputable advantage.

It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine.

The theory of relativity doesn't amount to a hill of beans when there's a bonfire in your shorts.

Fair play is all well and good. But knowing how to kick 'em in the balls can get you out of a jam 9 times out of 10.

In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision.

You don't know many friends you have till you buy a big-ass house on the beach.

Men are like dogs. Some are… Well, men are just like dogs.

You guys gotta get a license to drive a Geo, but any doofus with a few good swimmers can be a father.